The week leading up to the birth of our second child held a lot of emotion for me. Some expected, some not. I was nervous, excited, anxious, and ready. For those emotion, I was prepared.
There was one emotion, however, that I wasn’t prepared for: the feeling of guilt. I had this overwhelming sadness for my son.
In the sixteen months of his life so far, he had had our undivided attention and love. I knew that this was about to end, and I felt such guilt for it. We had caused that. We, in a sense, were taking away some of our love to give to another child.
At least, that’s how I felt.
I cried many, many tears that final week. The night before we were scheduled to be induced, I held my little boy so tight in my arms as we said our goodnight prayers and just sobbed. I begged God to never let him feel like we loved him any less simply because he wasn’t the only child anymore.
I just felt like he was being cheated somehow by us having our daughter so soon.
I never would have guessed just how wrong I was.
The moment I held that little girl in my arms, I knew my love wasn’t divided. In those hours after I had delivered her, my heart expanded and I simply loved MORE.
The joy that would come with watching our son be a brother, completely took me by surprise.
First Fall Together
His love for his sister is something fierce, and it started early.
He asks to hold her.
He asks to kiss her.
He asks for us to sit her beside him.
Put her “right here mommy!”
He brings her the things that he thinks she needs to make her happy.
He shares his favorite, beloved toys with her.
He stares at her.
He talks to her.
Y’all, this boy. He loves her.
It hurt me to think about the things that he might miss out on by not being the only child anymore. I cried over knowing that he would have to share his Daddy, Mommy, and even his room and toys.
He would never know life before her, but we would.
I just knew how happy of a baby he was, and I didn’t want that to change or to take any of that from him.
What I know now is that he has gained so much more than all of those things that I thought he was losing. He is learning to love. To share. To bring happiness and joy to another. We already get to watch him be a protector as he constantly wants to know where she is and that she is okay.
In return, she loves him so much and awards him with smiles for his affection towards her.
I love watching their relationship grow and the sweet bond that they already share. I wish I could have told my hurting heart before she was born just how precious these days are.
I would not trade this for the world.
God. Is. Good.
Trust me, I know that I have many days of the following before me. But for now, I delight in this moment of time: where their love for each other is pure and fun.
And in the future, when their fighting overwhelms me, I can look back and remember that once upon a time they did actually love each other.
Once upon a time.